You are _____ years old and when you grow up you want to __________.

My grandmother went in to the hospital this weekend, the grandmother that is my kindred spirit. When I grow up I want to be my grandmother. Things have seemed to settle down. I live alone now and the quiet is different and welcoming. I have made many trips over the last few days to the hospital, now taking the employee elevator because it is closer to my grandmothers room. Today I went over to fluff her hair and put makeup on her. I was intimidated at first but then not so much. I wish I could explain the emotion. Yesterday morning I took my grandfather to visit her. As we left she asked him to shut the door all the way. I turned around to see him shut the door but not all the way, then he stood and waited. Within moments we both heard from the other side of the door... I said all the way. He closed the door as we both began to laugh. He then looked at me and said... Well she must not be feeling that bad. As we entered the employee elevator he looked at me and smiled as he said... They lost the pattern after they made that one. My eyes began to well up with tears. I saw the love and admiration he had for my grandmother. I think we should all be so lucky to find that in our lives. Every time I drove to the hospital I passed Rodney's truck, so I ended up calling him because I was needing a familiar voice. I waited until he left town so that I could enjoy visiting with him without the expectation of seeing him. In the same week I cancelled my trip, my grandmother went to the hospital and I spent the night in on a Friday night. I also changed my opinion about someone I had previously met in town. I wrote some, loaded music onto my computer but not onto my iPod which is still giving me problems and worked on some paperwork for the non-profit which I sit on the board of directors. I had dinner with my parents, cleaned my house, drove to the beach and have noticed that my face is looking less tired. I have stopped accepting calls from certain people and am trying once again to remind myself that there is comfort in being alone. I also read some Pablo Neruda poetry, once I was introduced to his work, I have been able to read the same lines over again as if it were my first time and loved it time and time again. I also listened to some music that I had not listened to in a long time and as it brought back old memories I found myself smiling in remembrance, if only for a moment.