Spring Break with my Nephew

Livestock Show with Dominic

Jen's 36th Birthday - UCHI, DAN, ATX

Dinner at Uchi with Jen, Paige and Erica and then onto the Party Bus with Dan the producer in from LA for SXSW. Uchi is da bomb!

You are _____ years old and when you grow up you want to __________.

My grandmother went in to the hospital this weekend, the grandmother that is my kindred spirit. When I grow up I want to be my grandmother. Things have seemed to settle down. I live alone now and the quiet is different and welcoming. I have made many trips over the last few days to the hospital, now taking the employee elevator because it is closer to my grandmothers room. Today I went over to fluff her hair and put makeup on her. I was intimidated at first but then not so much. I wish I could explain the emotion. Yesterday morning I took my grandfather to visit her. As we left she asked him to shut the door all the way. I turned around to see him shut the door but not all the way, then he stood and waited. Within moments we both heard from the other side of the door... I said all the way. He closed the door as we both began to laugh. He then looked at me and said... Well she must not be feeling that bad. As we entered the employee elevator he looked at me and smiled as he said... They lost the pattern after they made that one. My eyes began to well up with tears. I saw the love and admiration he had for my grandmother. I think we should all be so lucky to find that in our lives. Every time I drove to the hospital I passed Rodney's truck, so I ended up calling him because I was needing a familiar voice. I waited until he left town so that I could enjoy visiting with him without the expectation of seeing him. In the same week I cancelled my trip, my grandmother went to the hospital and I spent the night in on a Friday night. I also changed my opinion about someone I had previously met in town. I wrote some, loaded music onto my computer but not onto my iPod which is still giving me problems and worked on some paperwork for the non-profit which I sit on the board of directors. I had dinner with my parents, cleaned my house, drove to the beach and have noticed that my face is looking less tired. I have stopped accepting calls from certain people and am trying once again to remind myself that there is comfort in being alone. I also read some Pablo Neruda poetry, once I was introduced to his work, I have been able to read the same lines over again as if it were my first time and loved it time and time again. I also listened to some music that I had not listened to in a long time and as it brought back old memories I found myself smiling in remembrance, if only for a moment.

Life's a Beach

Today I headed down to South Padre Island with my friend Tracy, it had been a year since I had seen her last. Her son was 14 months at the time and now he was big and running around and playing in the sand. I took pictures of him as he played for the first time in the Gulf of Mexico. I sat and watched as they walked in the water and found myself staring out a the ocean wondering why I do not visit the beach more often. I always thought of myself as not a beach person but the waves are like meditation. They roll in and roll out and before too long you have lost track of time. We had big burgers and a margarita which we could not finish at relatively fast for the land of manana. We drove back listening to Mana and talking about old times and new times, how life changes and how life stays the same. It has been nice to have an old friend down here, sometimes it is the little things...

Stolen Sleep

It is 4 AM and I am awake... I miss the ever elusive dreamworld. I have been having trouble sleeping again... this has not happened in years. I decided this time to get up and read, or go get coffee, or go for a walk. I can't think of a place to go get a coffee down here, and my iPod is broken awaiting the return of my iBook. Hmmmmm..... I spoke with the Aussie Danielle yesterday, broke the news to her that I would not be coming to Europe, and sent an e-mail to Irene that I would not be coming to Israel. Yes my trip has been cancelled, at least that is my trip to Europe and Israel. Dottie mentioned that I should now head to Jazz fest, Semana Santa with Jen now seems a reality, and the trip to Alaska could be a possibility as well... As long as the trips are short with time in between. I cannot afford to be away from my trucking company for too long. I dreamt of motorcycles again last night, or this morning which makes me think that was what woke me up. I used to hear Volkswagen vans everywhere I went once upon a time in Austin. I could hear the noise and sure enough there one would be, now I am haunted by the sound of Harleys, they are everywhere it seems down here. I guess the weather lends itself to them being around. The Purple Mountain Laurel in my yard has bloomed and died, and I never pulled some off the tree to smell the flowers. I thought of it every time I drove away from my house and now the I will have to wait another year. I have always thought of Grape Kool-Aid and am hoping to catch it blooming when I head to Austin in a few weeks. As for now I sit in my office surrounded by stacks I have created, trying to put some order to all the paperwork surrounding me. Try creating a filing system for something you know absolutely nothing about. Today I head to the beach with Tracy (in from Colorado) and her son...